It's Saturday. There once was a time that I would have written that as "It's Saturday!!!". When you become that boring old adult your life takes a drastic turn. I use to spend Saturday nights going out with friends, listening to music, dancing, drinking, playing pool, and doing lots of laughing.
Tonight I'll play with my son, eat supper, and go to bed early. I'm not saying I don't love my life but I will say that sometimes I do miss the whoop my life use to have in it. There was a thrill in not knowing what was going to happen that night and where we would end up.
There is a nervous excitement in not knowing that your life could change by just meeting the right guy. When you have met the right guy there is no dreaming of what will be because you can roll over and see him next to you. Of course, new dreams emerge but they no longer just include you and so you must tread carefully.
Truly not knowing what could be is exciting. Once you are in the nitty gritty of life it's less about dreaming and fantasy and more about reality. Reality just isn't as exciting. It has its comforts. Reality has a lot less whooping it up.
When I feel this way, missing the whoop, I feel guilty. I don't want to come off as ungrateful for the stability I have in my life. My husband, job, home, and baby are my whole life. Without these things I would be lost. I can guarantee you that if I didn't have this life, and was living the life of a woohoo girl, I would miss the comfort that I have now.
Although I can't go back to my old life, I can remember the great times I had and be grateful for those. For many women, they are unable to get to whoop it up like I did. I'm sure they wouldn't give up their lives for some crazy fun times because really what truly matters more is family. I just miss it sometimes and I think that is okay.
Sometimes people tell me that they can't remember their lives before they had a kid. I can. It doesn't mean I don't love my life now because I do but I still remember what it was like to be carefree, traveling all the time, and having very few responsibilities.
ReplyDeletePeople have told me the same thing and I'm with you. I can easily remember the things I did and also the feelings I had that came with those great times. Being carefree is nice. Babies are selfish and rightfully so. Motherhood isn't an easy job and comes with giving up a lot. Just because I love my family doesn't mean I don't miss my fun times. The problem is that I can't live both lives. I might can get a taste from time to time but once you become a mother you can't go back from that. Now when I'm out with friends I miss him even though I needed a break or I'll be worried about him which really kills a buzz :)
DeleteGirl, I feel you. I was at the gas station last night and introduced my son as "my friday night date". Ha! But to be truthful, sometimes, I would love to get dressed up and go out till the sun comes up on a Friday or Saturday night, and not have the responsibility of having someone to take care of the next day. To be able to nurse a hangover without a screaming child would be "nice". Wow... the things we take for granted before having children.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I believe that it's ok to sometimes miss that life. To miss that Whoop. :)
It's really different for me because I've never had much of a whoop life. I got pregnant when I was 19 years old. I kind of grew up just because I had to since I had a huge new responsibility. Sometimes if I wonder if I'm missing out by having a child so young and what my life would be like if I didn't have him. (Things would certainly be easier.) And I don't think that's bad either. Having a family changes our lives so drastically and I think it's normal to think about old or even would-be times. But I adore Travis and wouldn't change what happened for anything.
ReplyDeleteI love your honesty. So many blogs portray motherhood as this just absolutely PERFECT thing that all should try to reach. I hate that. It's unrealistic. I am glad you tell it like it is. Haha! You love your kid of course, but I think your feelings are right on point with other mothers!
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