Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Things To Look Forward To

To say that my life has been hectic and crazy would be a crazy under exaggeration. 

Jack and I are still at my parent's house and I'm pretty sure we will be for awhile. I've made my peace with it. It isn't ideal, especially for someone who has been on their own since 18, but I know it is what is best right now. Having the support of my family has been amazing. Of course, I miss the decorating on my own aspect and being the matriarch of my family but I remind myself that this is temporary. 

November and December are my favorite two months so that is helping me get into a great spirit. Not only is it the holiday season but Jack's birthday is on the 7th of November and we are out of school that day. I also have some fun things planned. I'm not going to let our situation ruin this time for us. 

Thankfully his costume came in the mail days before Halloween.
Can you tell I'm a librarian?

No big news on the divorce front. The lawyers are doing their thing and my stomach stays in knots. I had wished we could stay away from the courts but there is no other way. I just have to keep my faith and stay strong. I know that God will keep us safe and whole. 

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Marriage Is A Tricky Thing

As I am unexpectally going through a divorce, I have given a lot of thought to this concept of marriage. Please bare with me as I fumble through to try and express my thoughts and feelings. 

I don't have a huge circle of people in my life but I am blessed to have the people I do have in my life. I have a lot of family members but we aren't close to everyone. My immediate family members are the ones I've had unconditional love for and from since always. There isn't a question, worry, or concern when it comes to these people in my life. I love them for always, no matter what. The relationship you have with your parents and siblings is so natural and without conditions or stipulations. I know this isn't true for all families but for us it is. 

November 7, 2012 is the day that I became a mother and my, without a doubt, unconditional love was born. There isn't even a question about my love for him. It is just automatic. If you are a mother then you know exactly what I'm saying and will understand how hard it is to explain. 

When you have a family with a husband, wife, and a child there is a lot of love there but the love is different. I believe the reason they say put your spouse before your child is because the relationship you have with your spouse takes work in order for that love to stay and grow. The relationship you have with your child is just an automatic love and it's easy to put that relationship first because it feels natural so it's just easier. 

My parents love me unconditionally, as do my siblings, my nephew, and my son Jack. I know there are women and men who probably love their spouse unconditionally, who regardless of what the other did would forgive them, but for most spouses there is something that could break that bond. 

Marriage is tricky. Oh how I wish it was as easy as I once thought. I believed you loved it each other and that was it. I grew up surrounded in love and didn't know any other way. Now I know different.