Saturday, September 27, 2014

You Never Really Know a Person

I've been hiding from my blog. It's so difficult even thinking about my current situation, let along actually putting it into words. Currently Jack and I are staying with my parents even though we still have our house 30 miles away. It's just easier having the support. 

Since the separation things between Jeremy and I have not gotten any better. In fact, they have gotten much worse. His sister called me to check on Jack and I and we started talking and she told me some things about Jeremy that were shocking. She thought I was aware of this information but in reality I had been lied to for over 3 years. Sorry that I have to be so vague but honestly it is too painful to write and I'm not sure if it is best to put it all out there, at least right now. 

One of the most difficult parts is that it wasn't very long ago that we were a couple who said I love you and meant it. Now it is just hurtful words and betrayal. He is living with a woman he use to work with. Although he and I will never be back together, it still hurts that he is probably enjoying the excitement of a new relationship. I, on the other hand, am in constant termoil about making the right decisions for myself and Jack. 

Speaking of Jack, he is loving living with family. At my parents my sister, her husband, and my nephew also live there for now while there house is being built. The boys fight like brothers and they love each other like brothers. I love seeing their relationship grow. 

I've been doing my best to compile a list of things that I need to get done. Being in "take care of stuff" mode helps me to stay focused and not break down. 

Another difficult part is just knowing that this is just the start of a very long road. Although I have filed for divorce, the papers haven't been delivered yet and he has said he will not sign for them which means I will have to get a process server to deliver them by hand. Hopefully, the ball will start rolling faster and things can start settling down. I'm ready for a slow down. 

My main goal is to make sure Jack is happy, healthy, and safe. He is my number one priority no matter what happens. I will always be thankful to Jeremy for the gift of Jack. Jack is such a blessing. 

I hope that no one who reads this blog is ever betrayed by someone they love. It is extremely difficult and when there is a child involved it makes it that much harder. Any prayers or nice thoughts are greatly appreciated. 

Friday, September 5, 2014

I Support Facebook Fakeness

How many times, even in a day, do we read a Facebook comment about someone complaining about people being fake on Facebook? I know I read them quite often. I've always been one who hated people who were fake. Now I support Facebook fakeness. 

This is how I got to this realization.

Let me start with I'm a school librarian. Because of that I guess I have a standard to uphold in public. We have a code of ethics that we have to follow. I'm not a Facebook person who posts all the time. I watch my language and make sure to not include any photos that aren't appropriate. 

My humor can be sarcastic and a tad dark at times. Mostly sarcastic. There have been so many things that I have wanted to say on Facebook but have had to censor myself for the sake of the image. I didn't feel fake I just felt censored. 

Well apparently I slipped up and got called into the principal's office. 

Our principal talks really low and uses a lot of big words and a lot of words to get to what he is saying. I made out the word Facebook and then my mind starting racing thinking what could he be talking about. Then I caught the words "flipping off". It hit my gut. I felt shame and anger. I wanted to shout "really?" "It was a joke". Instead I said, "clearly I didn't do that and it was a joke". I added "I get it". I just wanted out of that room.

This is what happened.

One morning last week I had posted a picture of Jack in his car seat asleep. I wrote something to the effect of I want to flip him off because he didn't sleep at night and now that I am driving to work he is sleeping. 

Did I flip him off? Honestly, yes, but he was asleep and didn't see. It gave me a little laugh which was a good push to help me pep up a little. It was just a joke. I love my baby and mean no harm in any way to him. 

The principal told me that a parent called and said if I would do that to my child then what would I do to theirs. Really???? 

From now on I totally support Facebook fakeness. Sometimes you just have to play the game and pretend that you don't have a sense of humor.