Thursday, June 27, 2013

So Mad at Myself

I seriously want to beat my own ass. If there was anyone around I would ask them to do it for me. So many times I have complained that all I wanted was a break. Now I have it and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm sick inside missing Jack, my husband, my family, my dogs, and my house. Yes, the same Jack that always cries just as I sit to watch a tv show or open the computer. The same husband that annoys me at times. The family that calls with their problems. The dogs who constantly bark or make a mess. The house that is always begging to be cleaned. All of these things I want to get away from and now that I am-I am lost. 

I could so paint the town red. What am I doing? Sitting in my jammies watching Big Bang Theory and playing on my computer. What is wrong with me? I'm trying to keep busy from crying because I'm so homesick. I'm keeping this homesickness just between us because I don't want to be reminded of this feeling once all the responsibilities are forced back on me. I've got to be able to say "I need a break" in my future. 

Although I'm sick inside I am going to try and make myself enjoy this time. Relish and cherish it and hold it dear to my heart. Force myself to appreciate this time for a mama break. I can't be there so then I need to BE here. Be in the moment of quiet and solitude. 

2 comments :

  1. Aw you poor thing! Take advantage of this time! Go out and get a drink or something! You deserve a little time to yourself once in awhile. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Awww. Don't beat yourself up. This happens to all Mamas. We want the time to ourselves and then we have no idea what to do. Just think even though you are sitting around in your Jammies you are still relaxing. Enjoy it! Eat some chocolate!

    ReplyDelete