Wednesday, October 8, 2014

What Will The Future Hold?

Living amist this difficult situation has me thinking about my future again unlike I thought I would ever again. Not so long ago I thought my future was written. I had the husband, the baby, the job, the house, and I thought the future was just living it. Surprise. 

Life has a way doesn't it? 

My future is wide open again. I thought I had married my soul mate. Now, one day in the far future, I might be married to someone else. It seems mind blowing. 

Where will we live? There were months where I struggled with whether or not our family should move and now we have without much thought, just action. In the future Jack and I will move into a new house. His baby bedroom that I pictured turning into toddler bedroom is now a distant thought. He will probably never see that bedroom again. He never got to tell it bye.

Our family goals we made on New Years are still hung on our bedroom door. Those pieces of paper never saw divorce coming. 

The idea of starting over, or partially starting over, doesn't feel exciting. The future makes me nervous. I'm not sure how I'll be able to trust anyone again. Being blindsided by someone you love does something to you that can't be easily undone. 

One thing I have to remind myself of is that it is early and things are still very raw and emotional. It is crucial that I focus on positives. Having Jack in my life to bring me so much joy is such a blessing. Also, having such supportive family and friends makes me feel sheltered in the middle of this storm. 

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