So there I was stuck 2 hours away from my baby who was having trouble breathing. I wasn't in my right mind. Frozen was how I felt. It became all business. I have learned that during trying times I become all business. It was all about answers. How do I get in touch with doctors to tell me how my baby is doing? When can I leave? Who will be there with him since I can't? How will I get there when I am released? What needs to happen for him to get released?
I disconnected. For me it felt like I was living outside of my body. I wanted to sleep and wake up with everything fixed.
Baptist Hospital did an amazing job with keeping me informed. I could call at any time and get information. My parents were wonderful also. They would send me pictures and video letting me be able to see my baby. I was scared that I wouldn't get to hold him first but also scared that he wasn't getting held. I told the hospital to let my mom hold him but they said they would wait for me. I was so worried that he didn't feel loved.
Honestly I'm not sure how I survived those 2 1/2 days until I was finally freed. My parents stayed at a nearby hotel in case they needed to get to the hospital quickly. They were there so much. They were able to take our place.
During this time my husband was ill. He was at the doctor most of the day after Jack was born. We were worried he wouldn't be able to go into the NICU the next day when I would be released. I had an amazing friend who stayed at the hospital with me during this time. She literally stayed up all night with me that first night.
Finally got released that Friday mid-morning and we high tailed it the 2 hours to Little Rock. I was so sore and swollen but I didn't care. As soon as I saw him I started crying. I couldn't stop. The nurse was worried about handing him over to me because I couldn't stop crying. She kept asking me if I was okay. My husband snapped pictures like crazy.
We could only hold him for short increments because he needed to be monitored. My parents got us a room to stay in so we would be close by. Two days later they moved us to a transition room. If all went well there then we could go home. We would be on our own to take care of him. The nurses still would come in every 2 hours and he still had to be hooked up. Oh those damn machines. They beeped so much and would freak me out. I quickly learned that every little thing made them go off. So annoying!
Well that is part 2! There is so much more to come. It took me a long time to write part 1 and longer to write part 2 because this was all very traumatic for me and my family. It was not a happy time for us but more a constant state of fear.