Friday, January 17, 2014

A Fight Leads to an Epiphany

The other day my husband and I had a fight. It wasn't a huge fight but it was a long fight (it last 2 whole days). On day 3 I said the words that ended the fight and changed my life. All along those words were stuck inside of me but it took me a few days to figure my feelings out. Once I figured it out and told Jeremy we both changed. 

The fight was about Jeremy watching too much tv. We use to fight about this a lot but a few months ago he changed his ways and started helping out more at home and walked away from the tv a little more. Around Christmas he slunk back into his old ways (thanks for the huge flat screen mom). 99% of the work landed on me and Jeremy spent his time off work posted on the couch in front of the tv. I let it go for a few weeks but it didn't get any better so I finally had to say something. 

It didn't go well. He felt offended and I felt unappreciated. 

I tried to explain to him that each time I saw him just sitting in front of the tv that my frustration grew a little more. I know my husband loves tv but this wasn't good. He wasn't spending time with Jack except for when Jack crawled in his lap and they watched tv together. He came to bed late. He ate his meals in front of the tv. He was like a knot on a log and I hated seeing him like that. He looked so lifeless. 

So after 2 days of yammering back and forth about who does what and what is fair we were still not agreeing. Like all fights, we said too many things we shouldn't have and feelings were hurt. 

The next morning he was gone to work for 3 days and nothing had been resolved. On the way to work it was all I could think about. Suddenly it came to me why I was so upset. 

I was scared that Jeremy was being a bad example for our son. I sent him the following text:

I can't help but to want a picture perfect family. I will always want that. I will never stop wanting that. I want Jack to see 2 people living life. I want him to witness us dreaming, achieving, and reaching goals. He needs to see us passionate about something. We need to be his role models.

After writing that I realized that although I wasn't posted in front of the tv that I was still being a bad role model for my son. I wasn't living life to the fullest. I wasn't dreaming, achieving, or reaching goals. Yeah, maybe I was marking off a few things off a to do list but I wasn't doing phenomenal life changing things. I needed to stop complaining about my husband being a couch potato and I needed to start being an inspiration to him. 

He texted me back:

Well when you put it that way I feel really bad about my actions. I never thought about it like that.

I'm ready to make a life change. I want my son to see his parents as people who live life.


  1. A and I fight over who does what all the time. It's so incredibly frustrating. We both try to be good role models for our kids but I can already see so much of myself in E, things that I don't necessarily want to pass on. I am working on it and striving to be better though.

  2. That's such a good way of thinking about it! You are so right. I'm looking forward to seeing what you're planning! :)

  3. Awe, damn girl. I would have been "look, you watch too much tv, so get off your ass, and help me out, K?" But you put it in an amazing way. Sometimes we as parents don't see what our actions are doing to our children. It's a good thing for children to grow up and see that their parents can be, and will be good role models. It's part of being a good parent. Good job hun!

  4. Oh I love this. I know that my little family needs to do more instead of sitting in front if the tv. This post of yours is a great reminder. Thank you!