Thursday, January 23, 2014

Building Back a Bond

After we had Jack we seemed to grow apart. I've heard that this is sometimes a common thing but I've also heard that some couples grow closer. We were the unfortunate couple to grow apart. 

Just about everything he did pissed me off. I was super snappy and resentful. My body had went through torture (remember I had that horrible botched c-section and didn't recover until Jack was 9 months). I was the one who was sleep deprived, in pain, and completely exhausted. I couldn't help but to be angry with him. It wasn't healthy for me or him.

Every good marriage uses its struggles to to create a closer tighter bond. Use your struggles to strengthen your marriage. It works well.

I knew I was being way too snappy and snarky but I really felt upset with him. He wasn't as helpful with Jack or around the house as I needed him to be. We ended up bickering a lot and avoiding each other emotionally. 

In November I went to the doctor because my husband asked me to. He said he missed his wife. I knew things were bad but when he said he looked forward to work just to get away from me then I knew it was really bad. Of course, my first thought was anger. I wasn't too happy with him. I felt like he had let me down. When I went to the doctor I went for myself. I went to try and get my brain a break from all the anxiety. 

He put me on Celexa and it has helped a lot. It isn't an overwhelming feeling. It just took my ball of nerves that I was walking around with and shrunk it. Within a few weeks my husband kept asking me if I were okay. He even thought I was being cold or distant because we weren't fighting. It's sad when he associated our connection with fighting. 

This is when I wanted to start being actively productive at fixing things. I started intentionally doing the following things:
1. Cooking his favorite meals
2. Kissing him when he came home or left
3. Holding his hand in the car
4. Asking him how his day was
5. Saying I love you first
6. Giving his a surprise every once in awhile
7. Stopping myself from saying something back when he said something he knew would create a reaction
8. Ask for what I wanted
9. Snuggle/go to bed when he did
10. Watch whatever he is watching 

These were just some not so simple things that I did to recreate a bond. They may sound simple but when you are in a situation of anger they are pretty difficult. Thankfully these things worked and our bond is stronger than ever. 

6 comments :

  1. Having a baby and all of the changes/emotions can be hard! Good for you for taking action steps. I will never forget my hubby saying, "I miss my wife" as well. That's when I got into AdvoCare and really started working on me. Once I realized no one could make me happy except for myself, the rest falls into place. Sounds like you two are doing awesome! Marriage is work and so worth it!

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  2. I'm so glad that the celexa is working for you. I find that when I'm in a better place Marc and I get along better. It's so hard to balance everything when you have a kid. V is almost two years old and I still struggle.

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  3. I completely understand and agree with the steps you've taken! Adam and I had a really bad rough spot after Bella. I"m not sure I'm ready to write about it, so I'm proud of you for being so brave and sharing this with us. Thank you and good for you!

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  4. Wow, I can't imagine the kind of pain you must've felt, emotionally and physically, after going through a botched c-section. I'm glad that you were able to find something that helped me get back to your normal self. I feel like the first year after giving birth is so hard, even if everything goes smoothly. Thanks for sharing!

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  5. Thank you for being so open and honest! I know where you are coming from. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help!

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