Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Mrs. Mama Can't Fight

Good parents try to shield their children from their adult relationship issues. My parents were so great at keeping their problems from us that as far as I knew they never fought.  Now as a parent myself, I appreciate that they gave us a sense of comfort and stability. Being able to contain issues that came up is no easy feat. I admire those skills. 

The flip side of that is we were never aware of the reality of what marriage looks like. I never saw them work through a problem as a married couple.

Would I have benefited from seeing them argue? What about hearing them compromise? Or is it the kids business at all? Were my parents right from shielding us? 

I can only give my perspective. I knew my parents loved each other. I also "knew" they never fought. Their protectiveness unfortunately left me with a distorted view of marriage. 

When Jeremy and I got married and we hit an inevitable rough spot I thought we were doomed because I truly believed that couples who fought were breaking up. I could have been spared a lot of anguish had I'd known that arguing is normal. I would go through periods of time where I believed my marriage was falling apart because we were fighting a lot and married couples in love don't fight.

With that being said, how would I have felt as a young child hearing and seeing my parents fight? Would I feel like my foundation wasn't steady? Or did they do me an injustice by not showing me that couples fight and how to work through problems?

So what do you think? 

2 comments :

  1. I grew up with parents that fought all. the. time. I wouldn't wish that on anyone and have every intention of keeping the "problems" of my marriage between the two of us, and not share them with our future kids. I believe you can teach your children realistic expectations of relationships without airing your dirty laundry, so to speak. Plus, it made it really hard to respect my mother's marriage to my step-father, both then and now, when they made it clear that they didn't have much respect for it since they were always yelling and screaming and treating each other badly. Just my 2 cents though. :) We're all molded by our childhood's in some way, right?

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  2. I had no example of what a marriage looks like at all since I was raised by a single mom. My family dynamic is so messed up in general that it left a lot of issues for me as an adult. My kids see us argue at times, but they also see us be silly and loving with each other too. I think that there should be a balance so that they can see that you're a person with emotions too.

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