Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Questions to Answer Before Your Baby is Born

I assumed that when I got pregnant that my husband and I had the same ideas about parenting. I never thought that there was anything out there but my way. Of course my way was what my heart was telling me and what I had read in books since the day I found out I was pregnant. Once Jack was here I had a realization that we were not on the same wavelength about parenting. Sometimes we argue until one of us wins and sometimes we compromise. My suggestion is to talk these things out before your LO gets here so there is no question as to what y'all are going to do.

1. Is co-sleeping okay with both of you? My husband was very much against it and I was for whatever made my life easier. He didn't want a one day 5 year old in our bed. For the first 2 months I slept on the couch while Jack slept in the pack and play. My husband was working and needed his sleep and Jack had his days and nights mixed up. We did this until my husband said "I want you back in our bed". The first night of having Jack in his crib in his room was so hard on me but now he sleeps in his bed and loves it.

2. When do you pick your baby up? As a mama I thought when he fussed we stopped the fussing by doing whatever it took. My husband was from the school of thought that a baby could be spoiled. I thought that was crazy. If my baby was crying to be held then we hold him. Hello! When my husband wants a hug he goes for it or asks for it. Jack was just telling us he wanted a hug. We have since compromised and will pick him up if he cries but not if he is fussing. As soon as that fuss turns into a cry I run right to him.

3. To rock to sleep? Rocking your baby will give you some of your favorite moments. They are so small and cute and just smell so good. I love rocking my baby. However, we do not rock him to sleep. We agreed we wanted him to be able to put himself to sleep. I usually rock him after he wakes up. Now there were times we rocked him to sleep. We just try not to do it often. Desperate times and all comes to play.

4. When to give solids? I am a by the book gal (I am a librarian and all) but my husband is a "can't raise a baby by a book" guy. He wanted to give Jack solids a few months before recommended and so did many people around us agree with him. I stood my ground.

5. Who is going to do what and when? Before your little one gets out of your home and enter y'all's home decide who is going to do what baby duties and when. My husband worked a lot so naturally I did most of the baby duties but I wish we had a plan set for when he was home. Now that Jack is almost 7 months we have it pretty much figured out but we could have saved ourselves a lot of arguments if we would have made some agreements pre-Jack. Now I do night duty even though we both work. He puts him to bed. We both do bath time and I change the dirty diapers. He gives the medicine.

Everyone has to decide what is best for their baby and family. It's great to just talk these things out before your precious baby is here. It will be most helpful later. There were times when I was still pregnant that I wanted to bring some of these things up but I was worried about starting a fight before I needed to. Now I see that it is best to go ahead and talk about these things just to learn the other ones thoughts and feelings on various subjects.

Today we discuss how we are going to handle holidays, learning, discipline, boundaries, and what is or isn't appropriate. I like knowing ahead of time on what things we need to compromise on and what is set in stone for our child.

Our lives were changed forever in this moment.


  1. This is such a good post. Where it took three years for Marc and I to get pregnant we had a lot of time to talk about parenting. Buuuut, we didn't stick to everything. That baby comes and sometimes you just have to do what works so you can survive. ;)

  2. This is definitely a good idea! We didn't plan on cosleeping at all, in fact I was really against it. But the first few nights at home were so tough that it was so much easier to just have him right next to me. But now I like being able to move all around the bed when I sleep and not have to worry about a little baby in the middle. Jon doesn't really have too many opinions on parenting though, so we don't argue too much. I just do what I want with the little booger. His dad is always telling me that I'm gonna spoil him and I just say "you can't spoil a four month old!"