Friday, October 4, 2013

The Girl I Once Was

Never knew the work that goes into motherhood. As soon as my feet hit the floor it is on. Everything becomes a juggling act, a series of failures, and a constant Sophie's choice. 

Do you give up the shower for the nap?

Let the laundry hold for clean dishes?

Can you just go one more day before mopping the floor?

Get a new haircut or buy your baby new pajamas?

Spend time with your husband or with your friends?

You are always testing the limits to see how far you can push things to make it to the next day. You are always having to give up something to make room for something else. Sometimes you have to choose cleaning and a 17 minute Thomas the Train episode over getting in the floor and playing. Other days you have to let everything go and play peek-a-boo. Once you choose one you are already failing the other thing. You try to push it out of your mind but it sneaks up. 

The worst is when you choose yourself over everything. Man the guilt can really get to you. 

The girl before husband and baby always got to choose herself first so giving that up can be difficult. Me time just looks a little different now. What is me time now is 30 minutes of blogging, a quick trip to the grocery store alone, a nap, watching my fav show while folding laundry, reading a few pages from a magazine...oh how things have changed. Me time once was all the time.

Weekend trips were constant. I was always planning the next getaway. I never had to worry about having enough money. I got myself whatever I wanted (within reason).  Now my Amazon wish list is consumed with house stuff, husband and Jack gifts, and crafting things. My husband is always saying "you are such a mom". 

A mom is not who he fell in love with so I do worry that he'll become bored with the mom I am now. He continues to tell me he loves this woman so much more so I'll take those words. 

I love being busy but wish from time to time I could just say time out to do my own thing and have no guilt. No guilt and no nagging voice saying "you should be doing laundry". 

And because I am a mom I share with you a picture of my heart.

2 comments :

  1. I love this post because it is so true. I miss me time without the guilt a lot.

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