So Mad at Myself

I seriously want to beat my own ass. If there was anyone around I would ask them to do it for me. So many times I have complained that all I wanted was a break. Now I have it and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm sick inside missing Jack, my husband, my family, my dogs, and my house. Yes, the same Jack that always cries just as I sit to watch a tv show or open the computer. The same husband that annoys me at times. The family that calls with their problems. The dogs who constantly bark or make a mess. The house that is always begging to be cleaned. All of these things I want to get away from and now that I am-I am lost. 

I could so paint the town red. What am I doing? Sitting in my jammies watching Big Bang Theory and playing on my computer. What is wrong with me? I'm trying to keep busy from crying because I'm so homesick. I'm keeping this homesickness just between us because I don't want to be reminded of this feeling once all the responsibilities are forced back on me. I've got to be able to say "I need a break" in my future. 

Although I'm sick inside I am going to try and make myself enjoy this time. Relish and cherish it and hold it dear to my heart. Force myself to appreciate this time for a mama break. I can't be there so then I need to BE here. Be in the moment of quiet and solitude. 

Big Brother is BACK!!!

My favorite part of summer is here....Big Brother! I've been watching the show for years and I LOVE it. My friend Jessica and I watch Big Brother over the phone since we live 2 hours from each other but this year Jessica and I got to watch the first episode together. We were both super pumped about it! We got salads and a pizza and lounge on the couch with our fav show. 

Spencer here is from Arkansas so I love that I have someone to watch from my area. So far he has been fairly quiet. I wish him the best of luck!

This guy is my favorite house guest because he is different and underestimated. I can't help but cheer for the underdog. He is a pizza delivery guy and none of the other house guests believe it. They think he is a genius. I can't wait for them to realize he really is just a delivery guy. 

This season there is an abundance of cutesy girls. I'm a little worried that it might turn into the Real World. Many a hook-ups this season for sure. 

Already pumped about Sunday night! I just love a show that comes on more than once a week. It gives this boring mama a little something to look forward to. 

On a side note this committee thing that I'm doing this week has gotten CRAZY!!! There is a small group (around 30) of librarians revising the frameworks (stuff we teach) and it has gotten gangsta. I have seen adults be straight out rude to other people. I even heard that some people cried the last time this was done. I guess there is just a lot of passion in teaching. Anywhoo can't wait to see if the tears fall. That would be so crazy. 

I sent Jack and my mom home early. Jack was miserable being in this hotel room all the time. I am going to use this time to read my favorite blogs and catch up on some much needed sleep. 

Jack in the Hat

It was pretty fitting that I found these pajamas while away on a library work assignment. There were a few different ones but they didn't have all of them in Jack's size. I found this one in his size and it was just too cute. 

My child is going to hate me for dressing him up like a dork. This is what my husband tells me all the time and today is just another example. He would not cooperate for the picture taking but I was able to take a few decent ones. He was acting a fool while I was trying to snap pictures. Each time I would get him to smile he would start flapping around and then the picture would end up blurry. 

He is such a cutie!

Fortunes are Sometimes Right

Today was day one of the committee I'm participating on for the State Department of Education. It is very hush hush. They even made us sign a disclosure. It is very interesting work. After today's work my mom, Jack, and I went to PF Changs which is next door to the hotel. We both had never been there so it was a new experience. I really liked the Dynamite Shrimp. We were given our fortune cookies and in one of the packages was two so my mom decided that one was for me and Jack. 

This is Jack's fortune. I actually teared up when I read it....yeah I know. Dork!

I thought this was pretty fitting for this week.

My Crazy Next Week

Next week I will have the opportunity to help mold the new Arkansas frameworks for school librarians. When I was asked I hesitated because I have a 7 month old and I wasn't sure how that would work. After talking to my husband and my mom it was agreed that she would come stay with me to watch Jack during the day. We will be 2 hours from home so it will be a big deal to make sure I have everything together. The plan is I will go up Sunday and my mom will bring Jack with her Monday afternoon. She will stay until Thursday afternoon and then take him home with her. We have to be checked out Friday morning but I have to stay until 4 so they would have no where to go. 

I'll have Sunday and Thursday nights to myself. I'm pretty pumped about that. I can just relax in bed and watch tv. I'm thinking about even bringing a book. The nights when Jack is there will be difficult because he will be out of his element. Being stuck in one room might drive him a little crazy. We plan on taking him to the pool and out and about in the afternoons. 

This Saturday I'll have lots of packing and planning to do. I'm not going to start now because we need too much stuff. I do plan on catching the laundry up and making a to do list today. 

My husband will be without us but it is his busy work week anyways and he will only be home one of those days. I'll have to make sure he has everything he needs as well before I head out. 

I'm not sure how well I'll do at blogging next week. It will all depend on how much down time I have. The committee I'll be working on will have rigorous goals each day. Professional it is the right move but I know it will make for a difficult week.  

Boys Behind the Blog

I saw all of my favorite bloggers participating in this link-up and really wanted to get my hubs involved. He is at school and I am going to call and do a phone interview. 

1: Does your wife use your real name or nickname on her blog?
She probably uses my nickname J.

2: If you had a blog what would the title be?
Nature of the Beast

3: Do you feel ignored by her because of her blog?
No. My thing is tv and hers is her blog.

4: How has her blog changed or evolved throughout your relationship?
Hummmm....good question....I don't know much about her blog. 

5: What is your favorite post on her blog?
No idea! I am feeling a little used. 

He then went on to say "is that all? cause I need to get back in class". 
I just want to say that I sent him a text to call me on his next break not to walk out of class. 

So glad we got to participate! 

7 Month Check-Up

Yesterday morning I took Jack for a check-up. We skipped his 6 month check-up. He has been pulling at his left ear so I wanted to get that checked out and just an overall check-up. The wait was fun.

He really enjoyed tearing the paper up. It was quite an entertainment piece. At 7 months Jack weighs 15 pounds and 12 ounces. He is 26 inches long. Such a little fellow. There is little interest in eating. He still only drinks 5 ounces at a time, every 3 hours. He eats solids twice a day but most of it ends up all over the place. 

The doctor said he looks perfect. He is sitting up well. Follows your voice and has great neck control. Plus, there was nothing wrong with his ears. I didn't really think there was anything wrong but I wanted to be sure. He just discovered his ears and likes playing with them. We go back when he is 9 months old. Hopefully not before then. 

Postpartum Fuse

You bring home that precious angel and everything seems perfect. It's a high that not even Snoop Dog can achieve. The scent of your little one-high. Seeing your husband rock that sweet bundle-high. Even his poopie diapers-high. You just eat everything up. Man it's a good feeling!

That feeling fades. Shit gets real.

The pressure hits. You start feeling angry. You don't like it but it's there. 

Your reality isn't your husband's reality. Life isn't fair. You may even feel alone. 

You may even find yourself being someone that isn't you. You husband might tell you that you need some meds because you are turning into a B. You don't want to be that person. You just find yourself being angry because you feel alone or anxious or scared. 

I was mean to my husband at times. Down-right mean. That isn't me. I was jealous that he was so laid back and I was feeling so high strung. I was jealous that he was getting to sleep through the night. I was mad because I wanted everything to be perfect and he was okay with a messy house. I felt fat and ugly. I felt all this stress on me and I was taking it out on him. 

The good news-it gets better. As you get into a routine and your baby starts sleeping through the night things do get better. You start going out into the world again. It is such a better place to be than the new baby high and the anger zone-it is comfortable-it is home. 

Jack at 7 Months

I'm ten days behind on this post. Sorry life has been crazy. My husband has been working a lot which leave me parenting alone. Jack has this way of crying just when I open my computer. He likes Mama's full attention. 

Dear Jack,

I am loving being around you more and more now that you are developing such a fun personality. You love it when dad whistles loudly at you and when you tickles your chin. You love it when mom sings to you. 

You can now sit very well. You rarely fall over and when you do it's because you were reaching for something that was just too far away. Mama loves how she can sit you around your toys and watch you play. 

No crawling just yet. You will either have your hands in place or your legs but never at the same time. You just can't keep those fingers out of your mouth long enough to get it down. That's okay though because as much as I want to see another milestone, I know that once you are mobile things will never be the same.

You have started eating with your hands. You enjoy it a lot more than being fed. If you are not hungry, you will not eat. You didn't get that from me. Your favorite thing so far is yogurt. 

Mama and Daddy are enjoying seeing you turn into a funny little man. You make us laugh with your baby laugh. I hope you always keep that happiness. Looking forward to seeing you grow and learn.

Feeding Himself Worked For Us

Jack is now 7 months old so we have been trying baby food for a little over a month now. We have tried every kind of baby food out there and he has showed little interest. Every baby loves bananas right? Not Jack. Applesauce? nope. We even tried mashed potatoes. He might would take a few bites now and again but nothing substantial. I decided to buy some yogurt bites that dissolve once they are in the mouth. It took him a little time to get the hang of picking up the little pieces but after 30 minutes of really working it he finally figured it out. I was sing "Eye of the Tiger" to him for motivation (I really did-I have to humor myself). 

Once he got those little fingers working I decided to just dump some applesauce on his tray. He did great with it. He just scooped it up with his fingers and went to town. He made a mess but it was worth it just to see him enjoying solids. Here are some pictures of his little messy self. 

I'm Hiding at My Mama's House

The husband left for work at 4:30 this morning and when I got up 2 hours later I already knew it wasn't going to be climb mountains kinda day. I slowly scanned all the things that needed to be done ASAP. Gave thought to what could wait until tomorrow and then decided to make everything wait until tomorrow. I quickly packed our stuff and headed east. A whole 30 minutes later my mama was holding Jack and I was reading a novel. Bliss! 

Did my healthy eating happen? Big fat NO! My mama cooked chicken, pinto beans, squash, taters, and cornbread. My daddy literally went and picked the squash, the onions we cooked with them, and the taters right before they got cooked. I was miserably full but oh how it was good. To top it all off we had chocolate cake for dessert. Just can't beat that!

But just wait, to top it all off my mama has Jack sleeping with her so I can have a full nights sleep in the big guest bed. Oh it is just so wonderful that I HAD to share how happy I am in this moment. Belly full, baby is taken care of by the best thing ever, and I am going to get some sleep.....ooohhhh weeee I am sure excited.

Just feeling blessed and lucky and happy and wonderful and whatever other happy adjectives that sweet Pioneer Woman can think of. I'm feeling it. Good night folks-I'm off to do some Olympic gold sleeping. 

Why I Prefer My Blogs in the Morning

If you are anything like me the instant you wake up you are automatically in a mind pickle. I want to be productive but my energy is low. I rarely wake up feeling the need to run around the block or do any house work. Sometimes I wake up feeling more tired than when I went to bed. Of course, I would much rather wake up with soars of energy but I don't and would like to work on that but for now I turn to you my fellow bloggers.

There is something so inspirational about seeing mothers doing fun activities with their kids. It makes me want to do fun things with my Jack. This morning I saw a little one playing with a v-tech walker and I thought "Jack has to have one". I went onto my Amazon app (worst and best app I ever downloaded) and priced one. I would have ordered it then but I don't want to wait 2 days so we will be going to Walmart later. 

Off to the next blog where I see a mother with loads of kids giving me a printable on how to clean house. It makes me want to use that printable to finally get my house in order. If she can clean like that AND make a printable then surely I can handle the list. 

Then you see that weight post that reminds me I am suppose to be on a diet and shouldn't have had that Debbie cake for breakfast. Then I read what she is doing and think "hey maybe I'll go for a walk today". 

Here comes the recipe posts. Thank you Bloglovin for letting me categorize! I pin them and even write down one or two "must-make" recipes. Which turns into a grocery list.

Then boom! Another baby turns one and I am reminded that soon enough I'll have to throw a birthday party and my mind goes wild which takes me to pinterest. Horrible cycle people!

At this point I have at least 10 I want to dos just from minutes of reading. 

I'm now loaded with tons of things I want to do. Who needs coffee when you have blogs? Imagine if I combined the two. Danger!

Patriotic Clothes Pin Wreath

I originally seen this idea in the June's issue of All You. I seriously LOVE that magazine. I put my own little twist on it. Mine does not look as wonderful as the one in the magazine but I made it so I love it.

Supplies:

• 1 wire clothes hanger
• 85 clothes pins
• red, white, and blue paint
• cut out stars (I painted mine silver)

1. Paint 35 clothes pins red

2. Paint 30 clothes pins white

3. Paint 20 clothes pins blue

4. Bend wire hanger into a circle (mine wasn't as perfect as I would have liked)

5. Snap pins onto hanger. Start on the left side with the 20 blue pins. After the blue pins, do 5 red then 5 white. Do that until circle is filled.

I used a little glue inside each pin before I clipped to give it a little sturdiness. 

6. Add stars to the top or where you want them.

Dealing with Immunizations...I'm NOT Gangsta

I'm stealing a few moments to write a post. Jack is taking a late nap that I will later beat myself up about when he doesn't go down at his regular time. I just need a break so badly that I'm willing to let this go for now. I know I should keep him up until bedtime but right now I would rather make-out with a toilet seat than deal with his fussiness. Poor baby got shots today. He was a champ. He even laughed at the first one. The other two not so much. He cried for a whole 20 seconds. I was a complete sissy and waited out in the hall with my ears plugged. The shot appointment messed up nap time and he thus turned into fussy baby. 

The first time he got immunizations the nurse asked me to step outside because I broke down in tears before she started. My husband held him as I stood 10 feet down the hallway with my ears plugged as I hummed. The second time I got smart and scheduled them so I couldn't go at all. My sister and my husband took him. The third time I made sure my mom could go with me and hold him as I waited for it to be over. We have awhile before we (okay maybe I) have to go through this hell again. 

Before I had Jack I landed in the hospital and as the nurses were about to put my IV in my dad said he was going to wait outside. I called him a big baby. I totally get it now. You don't want to see your baby in pain. You do however want to be there to comfort them and make it all better. As soon as I thought the shots were over I cried out "are they over" and once the nurse answered with "all clear" I ran in and scooped him up. I'm good at the comfort thing. 

So how do you handle your baby getting shots?

Questions to Answer Before Your Baby is Born

I assumed that when I got pregnant that my husband and I had the same ideas about parenting. I never thought that there was anything out there but my way. Of course my way was what my heart was telling me and what I had read in books since the day I found out I was pregnant. Once Jack was here I had a realization that we were not on the same wavelength about parenting. Sometimes we argue until one of us wins and sometimes we compromise. My suggestion is to talk these things out before your LO gets here so there is no question as to what y'all are going to do.

1. Is co-sleeping okay with both of you? My husband was very much against it and I was for whatever made my life easier. He didn't want a one day 5 year old in our bed. For the first 2 months I slept on the couch while Jack slept in the pack and play. My husband was working and needed his sleep and Jack had his days and nights mixed up. We did this until my husband said "I want you back in our bed". The first night of having Jack in his crib in his room was so hard on me but now he sleeps in his bed and loves it.

2. When do you pick your baby up? As a mama I thought when he fussed we stopped the fussing by doing whatever it took. My husband was from the school of thought that a baby could be spoiled. I thought that was crazy. If my baby was crying to be held then we hold him. Hello! When my husband wants a hug he goes for it or asks for it. Jack was just telling us he wanted a hug. We have since compromised and will pick him up if he cries but not if he is fussing. As soon as that fuss turns into a cry I run right to him.

3. To rock to sleep? Rocking your baby will give you some of your favorite moments. They are so small and cute and just smell so good. I love rocking my baby. However, we do not rock him to sleep. We agreed we wanted him to be able to put himself to sleep. I usually rock him after he wakes up. Now there were times we rocked him to sleep. We just try not to do it often. Desperate times and all comes to play.

4. When to give solids? I am a by the book gal (I am a librarian and all) but my husband is a "can't raise a baby by a book" guy. He wanted to give Jack solids a few months before recommended and so did many people around us agree with him. I stood my ground.

5. Who is going to do what and when? Before your little one gets out of your home and enter y'all's home decide who is going to do what baby duties and when. My husband worked a lot so naturally I did most of the baby duties but I wish we had a plan set for when he was home. Now that Jack is almost 7 months we have it pretty much figured out but we could have saved ourselves a lot of arguments if we would have made some agreements pre-Jack. Now I do night duty even though we both work. He puts him to bed. We both do bath time and I change the dirty diapers. He gives the medicine.

Everyone has to decide what is best for their baby and family. It's great to just talk these things out before your precious baby is here. It will be most helpful later. There were times when I was still pregnant that I wanted to bring some of these things up but I was worried about starting a fight before I needed to. Now I see that it is best to go ahead and talk about these things just to learn the other ones thoughts and feelings on various subjects.

Today we discuss how we are going to handle holidays, learning, discipline, boundaries, and what is or isn't appropriate. I like knowing ahead of time on what things we need to compromise on and what is set in stone for our child.

Our lives were changed forever in this moment.

Funny Moments From the First Year

In 6 days J and I will be married for a whole year. Crazy! I feel like we have been married 10 years. This year has been absolutely insane. There have been more difficult days than easy days. Marriage is hard even without a baby. 

We had been engaged 5 months when we found out we were expecting. The wedding had been already been planned and paid for so we didn't want to change anything. It was nice that things were going to go as planned except for all the fun I had planned for us. We were a fun time whoop it up kinda couple and being pregnant hinders taking shots and singing at a piano bar. No bachelorette party like I had planned so no bachelor party for him. We even canceled the honeymoon because I didn't want to go anywhere. We were officially entering the grown-up world and we wanted to save our money. The plan was to do the honeymoon for our 1 year anniversary. Oh how that isn't happening. I am not leaving my baby for more than 24 hours! Never would have thought I would be saying that. 

We don't necessarily have funny moments but just fun times. We fight hard and play hard. We are so goofy together. We annoy each other on purpose. We are constantly pantsing each other, popping each other on the butt, trying to make the other gag, grossing each other out, and throwing insults for fun. We argue a lot also but I'll save that. I have many memories of those. I like to store those things up in case I need to throw them back. Okay so I don't fight fair. 

Our life has been invaded by our time snatcher named Jack who challenges us daily to be the best for each other. We have only had 3 date nights since Jack was born but we try (and I mean really use effort) to have fun when we are together. J is gone a lot with work and school so the time we are together is often spent either fighting about whose turn it is to do whatever and then we have to get over it quickly so we can enjoy our time together. 

I'm excited about going into year 2. I think it means something substantial that we made it through year 1 without killing each other or pissing off the other too much. We grew as people and parents. 

Happy almost 1 year anniversary! I'm looking forward to our 4th date night!